Capri Suns and Chewy Bars: Chapter 2

Its wings are so thin and so orange. Much like Doritos. How does it even fly? Doritos can’t fly. But butterflies don’t taste like nacho cheese, either. Hmm… would I rather… be able to fly? or… have a lifetime supply of Doritos? I do like Doritos… I’d take the Doritos. That way I could sucker someone at the lunch table into trading me their Red Bull for

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Capri Suns and Chewy Bars: Chapter One

By Brendan Larson “Keep your eye on the ball!” My dad so brilliantly yelled from the bleachers as I stepped back into the box to face Colin Morris. Thanks for that amazing piece of advice dad. I had never thought of trying to watch the ball. I always thought the best course of action would be to stare at the

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Capri Suns and Chewy Bars: The Prologue

By Zach Dammel “I wish I could play little league [baseball] now. I’d be way better than before.” – Mitch Hedberg My 6′ 3″, 158 lb. frame does, too. I’m fairly confident I’d excel at most positions against a bunch of ten-year-olds. I’d hit home runs left and right and routinely throw no-hitters (I’m hesitant to say perfect games because I’d be hard-pressed to

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Take Your Pick: Harper, Puig, Trout

Major League Baseball has been blessed the past three years with the emergence of many immensely talented young players, some of whom made an immediate impact on their professional clubs in just their rookie season. The most notable of these youngsters are, of course, Washington Nationals right fielder Bryce Harper, Los Angeles Dodgers right fielder Yasiel Puig, and Los Angeles Angels

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Relevant Chicago Baseball in October?

Well Chicago sports fans, the Bears still suck. I could write a novel on that, but that’s for another day. Thankfully, whether you’re a Cubs or White Sox fans, both Chicago teams brought their fans reasons to be excited for opening day. When’s the last time both Chicago fan bases were able to say that? Whether these teams live up to

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Why the Tigers Will Re-Sign Max Scherzer

By Hank Greening The Detroit Tigers made two trades on Thursday, Dec. 11. One landed the big-hitting left-fielder Yoenis Cespedes and relief pitchers Alex Wilson and Gabe Speier, in exchange for starting pitcher Rick Porcello, a rising star in the league. The other sent Eugenio Suarez, who filled in for the injured Jose Iglesias at short stop, to Cincinnati for

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The Most Thankless Job: MLB Edition

By Zach Dammel “I’d say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real… actual… work.” – Peter Gibbons, fictional protagonist of Office Space You know who’s nonfictional and rarely a protagonist, but also works for only about 15 minutes a week? Just about every reliever in Major League Baseball! They come in to work maybe every other

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Fixing Professional Sports: Baseball Edition

By Grant Becker After a recent philosophical hot tub session with my roommate, I came to the conclusion that there are some serious issues with modern professional sports. I spent the remainder of the evening brainstorming solutions to the endless list of problems before me. This is a documentation of my brilliance. This series may save professional sports as a

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MLB Award Predictions

By Peter Fiorentino As the World Series wraps up tonight with Game 7, it’s time to take a look at the players that will be taking home some serious hardware in the next two weeks. Monday, Nov. 10: Rookies of the Year AL Rookie: Jose Abreu The 27-year-old Cuban led the White Sox with 176 hits, 36 home runs, and

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