LeBron vs. Curry: Reality Showdown

For a second consecutive year, the Cleveland Cavaliers and Golden State Warriors are battling for the title of NBA Champion. That means for a second straight year it’s LeBron James vs Steph Curry.

The King vs. Chef Curry.

The four-time MVP vs the two-time, and reigning MVP.

While it’s anyone’s guess as to who’ll win the title (*cough cough, Warriors in 5*), there’s no question that the spotlight focuses on James vs. Curry. Who’s better at putting a ball through a hoop will finally be answered… again.

Riveting as that is, how will we know which star is better at creating a delightful soufflé for Chef Gordon Ramsay? At completing random international challenges on a race around the world? At losing the most weight? At crawling through a dark, cramped tunnel filled with bugs and god knows what else? America demands answers, and by God, the College Tailgate has them! We finally show which star would perform better at various reality shows, thanks to contributions from you! Results were generated from a twitter poll conducted by Jamey Schilling on June 2nd. Jamey Schilling, Michael Hendricks and special guest Sean Driscoll clarify the crucial breakdown from each show in: LeBron and Steph’s Reality Showdown!

 

The Amazing Race:

 

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Jamey’s take: Both players are renowned for traveling. This time, instead of travelling in an NBA game, they’ll travel internationally. Will they get called on it this time? Maybe, but probably not. LeBron took an early lead when he boarded a plane for Miami at the first sign of trouble in the NBA Finals. As luck would have it, several connecting flights from Miami International Airport to the targeted destinations were available, and he never looked back. Curry on the other hand got stuck on a boat in the Atlantic Ocean, traveling to Europe. All is not lost though, as he became the first NBA player to record a three pointer from international waters. In this instance, it appears as though LeBron has the edge on Curry. Advantage: LeBron.

 

Michael’s take: Can’t help but agree with the results here. Steph’s got some fancy moves, and could probably hit a three from anywhere in the Middle East if he tried, but LeBron knows all the traveling tricks. He’s got the crab dribble (without the dribble), amid a repertoire of fancy moves that definitely don’t involve putting the ball on the ground. Plus, he’s built like an NFL tight end, and can run as fast as a wide receiver. Though he’s only ever purchased tickets from Cleveland to South Beach and back, LeBron’s the clear winner here.

 

Sean’s take: LeBron in the amazing race is an easy win. His partner would be James Jones, the two have been teammates for years, and their chemistry would be unmatched. While LeBron will dominate in the physical aspects of the show, I see him struggling to get through hoards of crowds wanting his autograph, as well as the issue of fitting in a coach seat on a plane. I think that he will surprise with his abilities to solve riddles though. I’ve been told that he dresses up as Nancy Drew and tries to solve crimes in the offseason, and has earned himself quite a reputation among the third graders who he usually hangs out with.

 

Hell’s Kitchen:

 

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Jamey’s take: It comes as a shock to absolutely no one that Chef Curry would beat out LeBron at Hell’s Kitchen. He has the word “Chef” in his nickname for God’s sake! While both players aren’t used to being yelled at, Steph remains cooler under pressure because Chef Gordon Ramsay kind of looks like Warriors Head Coach Steve Kerr (below). Unfortunately for LeBron, he already knows that Steph cooks up something a little special come playoff time. He’s never shy with the Curry either. Advantage: Steph.

 

Chef Gordon Ramsay or Steve Kerr? The World May Never know. (Photo courtesy of Fox Sports)

Michael’s take: Chef Curry takes this one in a landslide. He’s had things cooking since the beginning of the year, destroying his own record for threes in a single season. Just imagine how many meatballs he could drop in the crockpot from long distance, while simultaneously baking a cake across the room. LeBron, on the other hand, is about twice as likely to burn the soufflé out of sheer nerves as he is to bring it home safely. Let’s just hope his cooking skills are more consistent than his Finals winning percentage.

 

Sean’s take: Stephen “Steph” “Chef Curry” “Slippery Snake” Curry has come off one of the most exquisite kitchen performances we have ever seen. He was able to cook in 402 different restaurants this year, which shattered his own record of 286 from last season. After defeating Daredevil last week (in brutal fashion I must add), he has a lot of momentum on his side going into this final battle. “Chef Curry” is the favorite this year and is surely prepared to take home the Championship belt. Standing in front of him though, is the fiercest competitor Hell’s Kitchen has seen since Bill Russell and his outstanding “Buddah Jumps Over the Wall Soup.” A dish that won 10 Hell’s Kitchen Championship belts. Curry’s competitor, LeBron “Bron Bron” “Captain Qwark” James M.D., M.B.A., MPH, CPE, DABP-AP, CP, FP, NP, is participating in his 6th straight Hell’s Kitchen finals appearance. Bron Bron brings experience, creativity and his homeland’s (France) famous cuisine. Curry better bring his A game, or the infamous and patriotic Frenchman, LeBron, will bring home the title.

 

The Biggest Loser

 

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Jamey’s take: Can’t help but think my followers were taking a shot at LeBron with this result. Yes he has lost four out of his six appearances in the NBA finals, but can he become The Biggest Loser, and drop weight from his 249 lbs? More than likely, yes, because at 190 lbs, Curry really doesn’t have anything to cut back on. Curry’s weight is a lot like his playing style, there’s not much to lose. Therefore, advantage: LeBron.

 

Michael’s take: Have you seen LeBron? He’s an absolute tank compared to Curry. If Steph loses any more weight, he might actually disappear from the face of the earth, and I don’t think you become the Biggest Loser by not being there at all. Also, yeah–Lebron’s Finals losing percentage is amazing. He’s got this one, hands down.

 

Sean’s take: LeBron is the perfect candidate for the biggest loser. The two essential components of the show are overwhelming amounts of drama, and immense change in a persons physical form. In 2010, LeBron set up an entire two-hour long sit down interview for the decision on which team he would play for. “Taking my talents to South Beach” is now a household quote. He is also well versed in his ability to completely reshape his body type. His body fluctuates from 235-275 pounds depending on his goals for the year. I don’t see anyone who can oppose his body control, and his ability to project himself emotionally, as a recently single teenage girl. LeBron has this one in the bag.

 

Fear Factor:

 

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Jamey’s take: When he was in Miami, LeBron had to regularly interact with Chris “Birdman” Andersen, my award winner for “NBA Player Most Likely to Have Done Meth.” If you have to be in a locker room with Birdman (below) for several seasons, you no longer fear anything, especially not having to eat a few bugs, or heights, not even death. That’s why I’m baffled Curry takes the edge here. The worst Curry has really had to deal with is his daughter Riley acting up at press conferences. Advantage? Somehow, Steph Curry.

 

Chris “Birdman” Andersen, the Denver days. (Photo courtesy of USA Today)

Michael’s take: That Birdman picture is terrifying, and I will not be going to sleep for a couple of days now. Thanks for that, Jamey. But LeBron has dealt with some truly stressful situations over the years. He’s always the guy teams are throwing their best defender at, and he has a spotlight on him like no other athlete does. The problem is, his dominance in those situations sometimes goes away in the later rounds. If LeBron’s biggest fear is choking, he’ll end up falling 40% of the time. Meanwhile, Steph’s always going up against guys that are like twice as wide as he is, and sometimes half a foot taller. There’s a case for either guy, but nobody can pinpoint a real fear for Steph. I’m giving this one to him.

 

Sean’s take: At this point in Curry’s career it’s easy to see that he isn’t afraid of anyone. The guy had to go up against Russell Westbrook (AKA the leader of the Zombies from “I am Legend,”). If he can get past this guy without crying, then I think winning Fear Factor is a metaphorical lay up for him (or is a three pointer easier for him? I’m really not sure at this point).

 

 

 

NBC’s Who Wants to Brutally Betray Your Hometown: Abandoning Their Team for One in a Better Position to Win a Title Edition*

 

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Jamey’s Take: Well… I don’t think we even need a Twitter poll to figure out who would win this one… Winner? LeBron.

 

Michael’s take: And I quote, “This fall I’m going to take my talents to South Beach and join the Miami Heat.” Ladies and gentlemen, your winner: LeBron James.

 

Sean’s take: LeBron wins by default, anyone who says Lebron shouldn’t have taken a vacation to Miami has obviously never endured Cleveland.

 

*Editor’s note: The College Tailgate cannot confirm whether Who Wants to Brutally Betray Your Hometown: Abandoning Their Team for One in a Better Position to Win a Title Edition is or is not in the works at NBC.

 

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