Why I Hate Basketball

It’s pretty simple, I hate basketball. Always have and probably always will.

Now let’s set the record straight – I don’t have anything against basketball players in terms of their athletic abilities or choice in sport, however I don’t have the desire to see them make squeaky noises all over a hardwood floor.

My hatred for the sport started when I was a kid. Being as tall as I am (5’11”) everyone just pretty much assumed that I played basketball. I’d hear things such as: “You must play basketball” or “You’re probably such a good basketball player” and it goes on. I could’ve just gone with the crowd and chose to take up the sport, however I’m not a fan of following the crowd.

So to everyone’s surprise whenever someone asked me what sport I participated in, I always would answer proudly and say “I play soccer actually.” I’m sorry, but just because I can reach the top shelf at the grocery store, I don’t think I should have to play a sport that’s typically played by taller people just because I’m tall – call me a hipster but that’s just way too mainstream.

This hatred that has been building up is probably due to the fact that it was expected of me to play basketball however; over the 20 years I’ve conjured up some real reasons why I detest it.

First, why is basketball like a more complicated version of red light, green light? Like come on, only five seconds goes by and then a whistle is blown and this continues throughout the whole game! That’s why every televised basketball game takes four hours to watch because neither team can play a full minute without calling a timeout! I just cannot stand this whole start and stop play on the court; I’d rather just see the teams’ complete a quarter or a half all at once, and I think everyone would appreciate that actually.

Second, basketball is the only sport to have a show fully dedicated to the wives of players, entitled “Basketball Wives.” No one cares about these athlete’s wives except the wives of basketball players, so why do these women get their own show?! While this doesn’t actually have anything to do with the sport itself, it still adds to my hatred for basketball. Could you imagine if they had a show for the wives of the NHL? Now that’s a show I would actually watch because frankly those women could probably shotgun a beer faster than most of the frat guys on campus.

Finally, let’s talk about the TV coverage of every NBA game, do they ever talk about what’s actually going on during the game or are they still talking about the fact that Justin Bieber is sitting court side with Marilyn Manson? I thought I was watching a basketball game not Entertainment News! Every time I actually try to watch a basketball game, I feel like the camera goes directly to celebrity sitting next to the bench. Sports fans do not care about what stupid celebrity is at the game, they just want to watch the game in peace.

Will I ever learn to like basketball? Probably not, however I do respect the athletes and loyal fans. I myself receive a lot of criticism for being a baseball fan due to the fact many people find it boring (as if…) but I still love it. So for all of you basketball fans, continue watching your squeaky sport, I won’t bug you but just be ready for me to change the channel if your precious Heat is playing at the same time as my Red Sox – you’ve been warned.

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